It’s one of those difficult chats we often put off, but talking to your family about your will and estate plan is one of the most important things you can do. It’s not about being morbid; it’s about being responsible. Having this discussion can prevent future misunderstandings, reduce family conflict, and ensure your wishes are known and respected.
You’ve likely spent time and effort carefully crafting your will and making decisions about who gets what. But if your family doesn’t understand your reasoning, even the most well-thought-out plan can cause friction. For example, if you decide to leave a specific family heirloom to one child, it’s helpful to explain your reasons beforehand. Maybe it’s because they’re the one with the most interest in family history, or because the item holds a special memory for both of you.
This kind of open communication can help your loved ones understand your intentions. It removes the element of surprise and can avoid feelings of unfairness or jealousy after you’re gone. It’s an unfortunately common problem; research from Slater and Gordon found that one third of Australians have experienced tension or conflict over the distribution of a will.
Consider this example of a retired builder who had a collection of antique tools he’d been carefully restoring for years. They didn’t have a lot of financial value, but they were his passion. In his will, he left them to his youngest son, who was also a builder. The other children, who were set to inherit the bulk of the estate in cash, were initially upset, feeling their brother was getting something special that wasn’t included in the main asset pool. We sat down as a family and he explained that the tools held a personal significance and that he wanted to pass on his passion to the one child who would use them. This conversation completely diffused the tension, turning a potential point of conflict into a shared memory.
Don’t spring this topic on your family over Christmas dinner. Pick a time when everyone is calm, relaxed, and not rushed. A quiet evening at home might be a better setting than a busy family gathering.
Start the conversation by explaining that you want to be proactive and make sure everything is in order. You could say something like, “I’ve been thinking about getting my affairs in order, and I’d like to share my plans with you so there are no surprises down the road.” This approach frames the discussion as a practical and loving action, not a morbid one.
Focus on the ‘why’ behind your choices. If you’ve made a specific decision about a piece of property or a significant item, explain your thinking. This doesn’t mean you need to justify yourself, but providing context can be incredibly helpful for your family.
A good conversation goes both ways. Be prepared to listen to any questions or concerns your family members might have. They may have their own ideas about how certain assets should be managed or passed down. While the final decision is yours, listening shows respect and can help everyone feel heard.
Estate planning involves more than just finances. Discussing things like your wishes for your funeral, the care of any pets, and who will be the executor of your will are all important parts of the conversation.
Having this discussion might feel uncomfortable, but it’s a gift of clarity and peace of mind you can give your family. It shows that you’ve thought not only about your legacy but also about their well-being after you’re gone.
A professional can help you navigate these conversations and ensure your will reflects your wishes correctly. So feel free to reach out to us for a chat.
